The other day I went to a little coffee shop within a grocery store and ordered a toasted multi-grain bagel with cream cheese. It was an unfortunate experience. It had no taste. Okay, a little taste. Like a cardboard taste. Made me sad because I love a good bagel.
A few days later, I got the bagel craving again and remembered that Kettleman’s is just a few blocks away. I stopped there on my way to work. The case is beautiful, with baskets full of shiny, flavor studded bagels. They are Kosher, which is good for those people… who need to eat Kosher or something. But also because I like to eat things that I think have been approved by some type of clergy. Probably because I don’t really go to church anymore, so I’m stretching everyday experiences into religious experiences. You know, like watching movies about a church on Sunday is kind of like going to church and eating a kosher bagel is sort of like eating food that’s been blessed by God, right? [Oh leave me alone. It can be churchy if I want it to be.]
I just want to say that eating the salt bagel with scallion cream cheese was a RELIGIOUS experience. And I would say that even if it wasn’t Kosher because it made me say HOLY. HOLY. HOLY. It was. Just as a bagel should be. Chewy. Salt crunching. Just moist enough to latch onto the cream cheese, which had big chunks of sharp scallions in it. I ate it while I was driving and I swear I almost had to pull over.
I went back the next day and got the salt bagel with olive and pimento cream cheese. In the picture here. Beautiful, huh? If you are going to get bagels in Portland, Kettleman’s is your place. Please don’t buy them from the grocery store. It’s offensive to the spirit.